Enigma Emotions
by Ms-Emi-Uzumaki
Summary: Love, grief and jealousy are all emotions you can only understand if you've felt them yourself. She had been down that road, so had her friends, and they all still continued to chase after her in their quest for peace and satisfaction.
1. Chapter One

**Chapter One**

The heels of her boots clicked against the wooden floor as her feet wandered the long rows of shelves that seemed to stretch on for miles. Her hands traced over the spines of old books; her eyes closed as she tried to feel which story suited her best. A smile glazed her lips as a pair of arms curled themself around her body, and a chest moulded into her back.  
"Boo" A voice whispered while hands crawled up her chest and under her chin.  
She turned to meet a pair of soft lips that gently kissed her forehead as she embraced her partner back; a book she had picked out escaping her grasp as the older kissed each eye lid before meeting her lips. Her grip tightening on the younger as she pressed closer till no gap kept their bodies apart. She had been looking forward to this all morning. Meeting after meeting had kept them apart despite being in the middle of the holidays. She hadn't been able to concentrate on any of the things people were trying to discuss with her. Every time she'd close her eyes, Nagisas' cheerful face would pop into her mind and not leave as easily as it came. She smiled to herself and finally let the torso she'd wrapped herself around go.  
"What were you reading?" She asked, picking up the book that was now sitting on the floor.  
"I haven't started reading it yet" The younger replied.  
"I see" She studied the cover "Lolita; Paris France 1955. A good choice if I may say so"  
"My teacher says next term we'll have to study a book; I want to get a head start" Nagisa explained as she took the book back.  
"You always do" Shizuma teased as she took hold of her hand "Come on; let's go sit outside where the sun is"

* * *

"Did she have a precursor? She did, indeed she did. In point of fact, there might have been no Lolita at all had I not loved, one summer, a certain initial girl-child. In a princedom by the sea… Shizuma," She stopped reading "I can't concentrate with you latched onto my neck" She giggled as the silver haired one tickled her belly slightly. Shizuma smiled up at her as she lay back down; resting her head against the soft lush of the grass as Nagisa kept reading. Her eyes wandered to the clouds that were lazily trailing across the sky with the little wind today was providing.  
She wrapped her vision in darkness as she closed her eyes to let her imagination take full throttle in trying to help the younger study. But it wasn't working; all she could think about was that soft skin as she traced it with her fingers, those deep brown eyes as she gazed longingly into them, that lenient mewl as she held her body close as they fell asleep together in each other's arms.  
"I'm glad I met you, Nagisa" She thought aloud.  
"I'm glad I met you too Shizuma" The younger stopped reading "I'm not boring you am I?"  
"You could never bore me" The older look up at her "I just, haven't been able to concentrate on anything today, except you" She smiled.  
Nagisa closed the book and rested her head on her torso; listening to that strong heart beat as it mellowed away in Shizumas' chest. A hand reached for the under of her chin, pulling her gaze upwards as fair skin switched their positions and captured her lips. Her breathing deepening as a warm hand glided up her chest and deepened the kiss in gentle strokes of empathy. Silky silver hair glided over her skin and tickled her neck as Shizuma rested an arm over her shoulder and finally released her lips.  
"There you are!" A loud voice interrupted the silence. "I've been looking for you everywhere"  
"Tamao?" Nagisa looked to her in question.  
"Did you forget what day it is today?" The blue haired girl asked.  
"Friday…?" Nagisa asked; puzzled as to what her friend was referring to.  
Tamao rolled her eyes and took hold of her wrist "Come on" She pulled her up off the ground and dragged her away before she had a chance to voice anything; leaving Shizuma to the silence of the hill once more and a closed book that seemed all too lonely without her love.

* * *

"Do you remember now?" Tamao asked as they stood in front of the messiest kitchen they'd ever seen. "I suppose this is what happens when you leave juniors to themselves" She joked as they began to clean up the spilled milk, flour covered benches and melted chocolate that was dripping down the walls.  
"I can't believe I forgot about Chiyos' birthday" Nagisa handed her friend a clean cloth as they wiped up a bunch of cracked eggs.  
"You always lose track of time when you're with Shizuma" Tamao pointed out with a sigh, the jealousy in her voice not being picked up by Nagisa "At least I found you before it was too late"  
"Too late for what?" The brown haired one asked as they put away the last of the cleaning products and watched as the juniors placed the last topping on their cake. Tamao grinned at her as she led them all down the hall to one of the rooms.  
"Happy birthday Chiyo!" They all cheered as they placed the cake down in front of her; almost making her heart stop.  
"Sorry Chiyo, we didn't mean to scare you like that"  
Her turquoise eyes squinted at the hand that was being held out in front of her. She looked up to see Nagisa smiling down at her as she helped her up. Her cheeks became slightly flushed at the warmth of her hand, her lungs catching back up with her heart as she stood on two feet.  
"T-Thank you Nagisa, and everyone else" She shared her gratitude as they each buried her in hugs, gifts, and the cake.  
Another stood quietly in the hall way; leaning against a wall, a content smirk on her lips as she tucked her silver locks behind an ear.

* * *

"Chiyo seemed to enjoy herself today" Nagisa pondered as she ran a comb through her brown hair.  
"I hope so; she deserves it with all the things she's helped us with over the time we've known her" Tamao thought aloud as she turned off the lights and the room was swallowed up in darkness. "Goodnight, Nagisa" She whispered as she curled up in her bed.  
"Goodnight, Tamao" Nagisa replied as she placed her brush on its usual place and made her way to her own comfy mattress. Snuggling under the blankets, she closed her eyes and let her body relax in its own warmth; listening to the sound of her heart beating a soft mellow tune as her breathing deepened, and finally she slipped away into that vast land of dreams.

* * *

Her eyes lazily began to open as she tried to pull her weighty body up from its long slumber. It felt heavier than usual for some reason, and as she wiped the sleep from her eyes and filled her lungs with a morning yawn, she looked down to see an arm draped across her torso. At first her still waking mind thought it was Shizuma, but this girls head was not covered in thick silver hair. She peeled back the covers to reveal a snoozing Tamao instead, snuggled up as close as she could be to her.  
"Tamao…" A moan left her dry morning lips as she picked up the arm that was wrapped over her hips, and placed it back beside her. The girl barley inched as she climbed over her and found her footing on the cold floor boards beside her. She stood there for a moment, watching as Tamao continued to sleep as if nothing had changed. Rolling her eyes at her friend, she decided to leave her there as it was still early, and covered her back up with the blankets. Gathering up a few clothes and a clean towel, she began to make her way to the showers; preparing herself for the day ahead that was sure to be a hectic one.


	2. Chapter Two

**Chapter Two**

Leaning against the door frame of her room, her lungs exhaled a tired sigh; she had been right from the start; the day had been hectic, maybe even more so than she'd originally anticipated. Helping out with the spring cleaning of the school, helping younger students study with holiday homework, trying to work on her own studies so she'd be ready for next term; it seemed she hadn't had a chance to breathe all day and wondered if another nice hot shower would help. But she was too tired even for that; the day had been long and all she wanted to do right now was collapse on her bed and stay there for the next 24 hours.  
Her eyes widened as she opened the door, revealing cleaning products and wet floors being mopped as Chiyo went over her weekly routine of being their house keeper. Nagisa had completely forgotten today was that day and groaned to herself for forgetting such a fact.  
"Nagisa!" Tamao looked up from her book, her legs stretched out on her bed as she called out to her friend "I wondered when you'd be coming back"  
She closed the door, instantly removing Tamao from her vision and deciding that a shower was now worth more than anything else. Exhaling in exhaustion, her feet began to make a trail leading to the showers; the loss of energy showing with each step she took. It took her two extra minutes to walk to the main bathroom, her tiredness showing more than ever in the bags under her eyes.  
She stripped off her clothes and stepped under the warm soaking water as it drooled down her back and drenched her hair in soothing H20. She could almost feel each muscle releasing tension one by one, as the hot water rolled over her body. Melting under the heat, she scrubbed away the days dirt and grime from all her hard work, the only thoughts crossing her mind were ones of peace and relaxation, and hope that by the time she got back to her room, Chiyo would have finished and Tamao would be asleep. She could almost feel herself slipping away into that wonderful place of dreams, but not quite as she curled her toes on the slippery tiles. When her aching body had wined down enough, she turned off the water and wrapped herself up in a towel. Ignoring the fact that it wasn't hers but praising who ever left it sitting rolled up on the sink. Picking up her dirty clothes, and feeling much better than when she first stepped into the shower, she started to make her way back. She'd been in there longer than she'd thought she would but was glad she'd taken the time to unwind.  
It was late now, and the building was quite with the sleeping sounds of people in their dorms. The door to her and Tamaos' room was in her sight, she was so close she could almost feel her spongy mattress and warm sheets beginning to wrap around her body. But as she walked passed a linens closet, a pair of hands reached out and seized her, capturing her fresh warm body in a gentle embrace. Lips pressing against her own as the two combined to make one.  
"Shizuma" She pulled back for a breath "you gave me such a fright"  
"Sorry Nagisa" She gave an eye curl "You're so cute when you're startled; I couldn't help myself"  
The younger looked away, her cheeks flushing as Shizuma pressed closer to her.  
"Have you read any more of that book yet?" She whispered to her as she nuzzled her nose into the base of her neck.  
"Not yet" Nagisa replied; her breath hitching as the older one's hands took her own and captured the delicate skin of her neck "I haven't had the time; I've been so busy lately"  
"Really?" Shizuma guided a hand over her chest "I've never had so much free time since before I came to this school. Now that I no longer carry the burdens of an Etolie, I find it hard discovering things to fill my day" She lifted the youngers' chin up and kissed her forehead. "You're the best time filler I have."  
Nagisa could feel her legs beginning to weaken as Shizuma pressed herself tightly against her, pulling in her warmth as she connected their lips once more and began to guide her out of the small space and down the hall to her room.  
Closing the door behind her with a foot, she moulded herself against Nagisa as they reached the foot of her bed. A hand releasing the towel that was still wrapped around the youngers' body. She had left it in the bathroom in hope Nagisa would use it, and so she could later take it off her later. Her wish came true as her fingers glided over smooth naked skin. Peeling away any uncertainty as Nagisa struggled to get her dress off. Shizuma smiled to herself as she helped her dump the rest of her clothes on the floor beneath them.  
Bumps appeared on her skin as they crawled onto the sheets; Nagisa let her hands wander as Shizuma lay above her. She stared into her sea green eyes, becoming lost in thought as a hand wandered between her legs. She reached up with her palm, nestling the back of her neck as she pulled her in; joining their lips as she deepened the kiss. Her other hand tracing down Shizumas' sleek back and under her hips; finding their own place on her body as they bonded together. Her intake of air deepened as she was spread over the soft cushion beneath her; her mind trailed off and lost all focus as bare skin glided with her own, lifting her up and turning her body in a way that brought them closer than she cared to understand.  
The world was hidden from view as hands glided up and down her body as they rocked gently in the darkness. The swelling of her raging heart beating against her chest; as she held onto the others body; the balloon they'd been filling in a fit of euphoria burst, as they melted into the sheets below; taking in the others sight as one held onto the other. They lay in silence as they each drifted off to sleep; not needing to speak words that had already been spoken.

* * *

Shizuma turned as her mind began to find itself in the early hours of the morning. She let out a deep exhale as Nagisa snuggled closer to her and wrapped an arm over her chest. She smiled at the gesture and took her delicate hand in her own and gently pressed her lips to it.  
"You're thinking about her aren't you?" A soft voice whispered.  
Thinking she had been asleep, Shizuma paused for a moment "You always know, don't you?"  
Nagisas' grip tightened as she tried to offer her comfort. "I can just tell" She rose to one elbow and placed a hand on her shoulder as she kissed her cheek. "I love you"  
Shizuma turned onto her back, looking up into her eyes as she cupped a smooth cheek and smiled "I love you too" Nagisa lent down and kissed her softly on the lips, before lying on her chest and listened to that steady heartbeat that she loved to hear so much.  
"It's times like these I think about and miss the most when we're apart from each other" She thought aloud; her hand resting on her chest as it traced small circles. "I don't know what I'd do without you"  
Shizuma lay there in silence; her eyes closed as she tried to force Kaoris' pretty face from her mind. Although she was slowly letting go of the past and accepting the fact she was gone forever, the pain of feeling her eyes looking upon her in her heart, would not fade. She could never forget; she could only ever learn to forgive; forgive the illness, forgive Kaori for leaving, forgive herself, and learning that the past was not going to be her future no matter how much it hurt her to think otherwise. Every time Nagisa held her hand, pressed her lips to her skin, wrapped her body around hers, the hurt and loss grew just a little bit smaller. It would always be engraved in her heart, just as Nagisa was carving her own place next to it.  
"What would I do without you" She whispered, her hands gliding over her torso as she hugged her gently; letting her loves compassion melt away her grief.  
After ten minutes of laying in silence, she decided it was probably time they got up and on with the day. Opening her still tired eyes, she pulled up her relaxed body and took a deep breath. Rays of morning sunlight trying to get through the curtain glowing on her naked skin as she sat there for a moment.  
She brushed her silver hair away from her olive eyes as she looked down to the form next to her. She'd fallen off back to sleep faster than she thought she would and smiled at the dribble that was beginning to fall from the corner of her mouth. Combing a hand through her soft strawberry hair, she lent down and tenderly kissed her forehead.  
"Time to wake up" She whispered as Nagisa slightly shifted away in protest.  
"Too early" She simply said as she covered her face with her pillow as she lay there on her back.  
Shizuma pressed her lips to her bare chest, tracing lines up and down her rib cage; feeling the steady beat of her heart as it pumped morning oxygen. She cupped a mound and gently blew on the other with her lips; flickering over a button with her tongue as she tried to wake the younger up.  
"Ok, ok" Nagisa gave in as she put the pillow aside.  
A modest grin lined Shizumas' face as she pulled away and stood; the sheets rolling off her naked curves as long hair poured from her shoulders as if they were the water belonging to a waterfall. It flew yieldingly behind her as she walked to the wardrobe and picked out some clothes for the day.

* * *

She stepped under the warm spray of water; letting it envelope her skin as she drowned herself in lavish scents. Her slender fingers tracing the cold tinted blue tiles as she steadied herself as a pair of arms wrapped around her stomach.  
"Finally awake" She grinned as she turned to face her; a hand resting on the younger's hip as she kissed her good morning and handed her the soap.

* * *

"Where were you last night?" Her blue haired roommate asked as they made their way to the library.  
"Tamao" Nagisa looked at her almost pleadingly "It should be obvious to you by now that if I don't sleep in our room-"  
"You're with Shizuma" Tamao finished her sentence "I know"  
Nagisa couldn't help but feel a cloud of sadness pass over her; she wanted all her friends to be happy, as she was, but somehow she was disappointing her best friend and she didn't know what to do about it. She had a feeling it was to do with Shizuma as whenever she spent time with her, a tone of spite made its way into her friends' voice.  
Tamao felt the cloud drift over them too. She felt bad that she had these feelings for her best friend. She knew they loved each other very much, and that Nagisa would probably never look at her in the same way that she looked at Shizuma. Apart of her yearned for her love and care, but that part also knew she never could affect Nagisa like Shizuma could and did.  
Nagisa would never know how her roommate fell asleep last night; while she was sprawled out on Shizumas' bed, Tamao was curled up in the bitter darkness of their room, alone as tears poured from her eyes. She'd never know how she cried herself to sleep at the loss of that extra body sleeping next to her; keeping her warm from the bite of loneliness. She needed someone; her body craved so desperately for that person she could hold and kiss goodnight as she fell asleep in their arms.  
But a gut feeling told her otherwise; that she wouldn't meet the comforter of her lonely soul for a long time.  
A tiny part of her even believed it would never happen.


	3. Chapter Three

**Chapter Three**

Where was she already? Was she still lying in bed in a deep sleep? Perhaps she should have woken her up this morning. But then again, she didn't want to see how puffy and red her eyes would have looked when they opened to stare up at her. She knew her friend was going through a hard time, and how she would cry herself to sleep often. But every time she tried talking to her about it, she turned the other way as if she were ashamed and had no more comments on the matter.  
But what exactly was wrong with the poor girl? School was over, and although they wanted to get a head start for next term, she wasn't under the constant stress to get her work done, and she didn't have to get up super early. But never the less, she still had bags under her eyes that seemed they were growing darker with each new day.  
The problem escaped her every time she tried to grasp it. It was like trying to catch smoke with your bare hands.  
The answer was right there, she just couldn't see it yet.  
"Nagisa?" A voice came from above.  
"Tamao" She smiled at her friend "You finally made it… what's wrong?" She noticed how dark her eyes were; how they were full of thought like water that ran deep.  
"Nothing" Tamao sighed "We came here to read together, so let's read"  
She sat down at the table, in the seat opposite Nagisa. Laying her book in front of her; she tried to study but to no avail.

* * *

She lay solemnly against the rough bark of a tree; enjoying the feel of the wind running through her silver locks. Her lungs inhaling fresh air that hadn't felt so clean in a long time. The simple act of just being able to breathe again; was one of the most delightful things to occupy yourself with. However she couldn't help but feel somewhat worried, not to mention confused. She was aware of the fact that Nagisa and Tamao were good friends, and had been since day one all that time ago. But she could sense that Tamao wanted something different from Nagisa; something a bit friendlier than friendship. Of course, she wasn't afraid of Nagisa doing anything, she was afraid of Tamao. The girl was a great influence, and Nagisa was still discovering who she is.  
But even if they were together, would they click? In friendship, there are certain things you can avoid, but in companionship, they are very hard to avoid. In her mind, Shizuma knew that Nagisa loved her, but she also knew that she loves her blue haired roommate. To what extent though?  
Sighing, and stretching as she stood, she decided to stop thinking and begin acting. She already lost someone once, and she was determined to not lose another. Especially some girl who was being blinded with infatuation or what she hoped to be infatuation.  
Her heels began to click along the path as she walked to the library. Her head down and watching as she kicked small stones off the pathway, hoping that the stone Tamao was creating, would be just as easy to kick.

* * *

She brushed her blue hair away from her face, her eyes wandering from student to student; sitting in silence; their minds engorged in the world of the book they were reading. She lent on the desk her and Nagisa were perched at, her cheek flattening as she closed her eyes and tried to imagine a perfect life she could curl up and sleep comfortably in. But every time she dared to reopen them, Nagisa was still sitting opposite her, her body still ached with every breath, and her heart still sought out what she knew it would never find.  
"Tamao" A voice called out to her, but she ignored it.  
"Tamao" Looking up, Nagisa had stood from the table; Shizuma by her side. "It's late, every one's left, we're going to go to bed now; will you be alright?"  
"I'll be fine" She lied as Shizuma took her friends hand and they proceeded to leave.  
She lay there for a good hour before she finally decided to move. A gentle breeze tapped at the windows, sifting through her blue hair as she sat alone. She should have gone back to the dorms by now. She promised herself she would. But instead she was sitting in the darkness of the library; her eyes full of tears and her cheeks glimmering in the moonlight that poured in through an open window and onto her face. She always admired how beautiful the rays of the moon looked in the late hours of the evening. But as she sat in the gloom with only herself for company, she could feel her lustre for life melting off her. Maybe it was just the fact that the rays of the moonlight weren't as glamorous as they usually looked, or maybe it was her vision that had changed. Every time she watched Shizuma hug her, kiss her; even simply be around her, she could feel her heart pounding in her chest with every deep breath.  
All she ever wanted was gentleness, but every time she got close to her, she could feel the others body freeze, like she was scared she was going to infect her with a disease. She felt sick, sick of feeling like this. Of waking up every day and knowing that the girl she loved was in the arms of another. And that she was well off limits.  
In a way, she would rather be dead right now. At least if she were dead, she would feel nothing. And nothing, sounded like heaven compared to the hell she was currently living.

* * *

"What are you thinking about?" She asked as she twirled soft red strands of hair with her fingers.  
"I'm not sure" Nagisa snuggled in closer to the chest she was leaning on "Tamao mostly"  
"Yeah, I know" Shizuma continued to curl her hair "Maybe it's time to confront her" She suggested.  
"I know what she's like" Nagisa thought aloud as she rolled onto her back "She won't tell me"  
Shizuma lifted herself onto an elbow "Give her time; it's probably all she needs"  
"I hope so" Nagisa whispered as she lent up to kiss her.

* * *

She turned in her bed, facing the empty spot across the room that should have been holding Nagisas body. She wasn't lying in her bed by the time she left the library and entered the dorm; she was with Shizuma, and it made her bones grind the more she thought about. She sat up from her bed; her blue locks covering her face as her eyes began to weep in their own sorrow. She didn't want to ponder about it anymore; she wanted to forget, curl into a deep slumber and never wake up.  
But life wasn't that easy.


	4. Update Please Read

Yes, I know, you are very disappointed right now to see that this is not a new chapter. This story has been on hold for two years and I can now reassure you all that I am again working on it. I have had so many e-mails and reviews asking me to keep this story going, and I have finally given in to you all. However, I have a baby on the way, and I am trying to get my own original works published. So to put it short, I live a busy life and chapters will be put up irregularly.  
I started writing this just for the sake of it, and don't have much of a plot to work with. Seeming so many of you are getting into this story, I have a little task for you; come up with your own plot twists and what not, and send them into me. Get creative, but try to keep it realistic and makes sense. Send it to me via e-mail, not in a review; if I choose it, you wouldn't want anyone else to know what's going to happen would you?  
It's just a suggestion, and if no one sends in one of their own ideas or I find I can't work with it then I will keep developing the story myself and in time it will become something.  
Thanks all and I promise there will be a new chapter up, plus the old chapters that are currently being re-written, within the next two weeks.


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